Nonsense.

Valentine's Day is a load of nonsense. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes take advantage of the commercial holiday.

Sister.

Music.

It's been far too long since I've had quality time with my iTunes library. And this new Genius thing really is genius. Here's the mix it made for me, just to name a few.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Bon Iver
Pheonix
Coldplay
Stars
Death Cab for Cutie
Arcade Fire
The Shins
Bright Eyes
Regina Spektor
Kings of Leon
Postal Service
Mumford and Sons
Band of Horses

Chocolate.

I'm not a lover of all things chocolate like most people seem to be. You did the M&M's out of trail mix to eat them; I did them out to give them away. You choose the chocolate cake smothered in chocolate syrup; I drink water. You eat Snickers and Butterfingers and Milky Ways and Sees and Hersey's; I don't...often. Well, I stumbled upon (not a reference to the website) a recipe for brownies that are uber delicious. I will share it with you right now.

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 1/4 cups cocoa powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Instructions

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Butter a 9x13 baking dish.
2. In small saucepan over low heat, melt butter completely. Stir in sugar and continue cooking for 1-2 minutes, stirring constantly. Do not allow sugar mixture to boil.
3. Pour butter mixture into a large bowl or stand mixer, beat in cocoa powder, eggs, salt, baking powder, espresso powder, and vanilla extract. Mix until well combined.
4. Stir in the flour and chocolate chips until well combined.
5. Pour into prepared pan and bake for about 30 minutes, until a tester comes out mostly clean. The edges should be set and the center should still look slightly moist, but not uncooked. Cool on a wire rack.

Seriously. Good.

And some pictures of things.

Remember?

Remember the impulsive haircut from last month?

I finally don't hate it.

Small.

We are so small.
But that shouldn't stop anyone from becoming more.

Different.

Healthy.

Healthy in mind:

• Read.
• Turn off the TV. Shut down the computer.
• Keep a journal.
• Go to museums.
• Draw.
• Write letters.
• Set goals and work towards them.

Healthy in spirit:

• Have a religion.
• Spend time with family.
• Be who you are without comparing yourself to others.
• Focus on the good in everyone and everything.
• Keep in touch with friends.
• Be happy.
• Love everyone.

Healthy in body:

• Drink water- no soda, no alcohol, no caffeine. Just water.
• Eat naturally- fruits, veggies, whole wheat, lean meat, you know the routine.
• Use your feet to get you places.
• Play.
• Sleep a lot at night and take naps.
• Reach your potential by pushing at your mental boundaries.
• Go on walks.

Listen.

We spend our lives guessing at what's going on inside everybody else, and when we happen to get luck and guess right, we think we "understand." Such nonsense. Even a monkey at a computer will type a word now and then. -Orson Scott Card

It's really hard to be completely open and honest about everything. Especially because sometimes it make make you sound like a tool. But sharing of feelings in a tactful way is the only way to be in a relationship- with a lover, a friend, family, anyone.

I'm awful at saying what I think and how I feel. Simply awful. I hold my feelings inside and never let them go. There is no "bottle it up till I explode." Or maybe I just haven't exploded yet. Oh crap. Twenty years, six months and eight days of pent up feeling is a lot of feelings. That'll make a mess.

So here's how I feel almost all the time:

1. Ow my head hurts really bad and I want to die.
2. I want to be loved.
3. I want to have someone who will listen when I tell them that I stepped in gum or that I saw someone wearing tight, revealing workout clothes and heals. Someone who'll listen to the pointless crap I have to say.
4. I want to do great things but these migraines continually act as an excuse to not do anything.
5. I want a baby.
6. I don't think I'm good enough for anyone.
7. I'm not anything special.

But above all this, I generally love myself. Really, I do. I think I'm great