What happens when...

...one of those days turns into one of those weeks and then unfolds and becomes two? I miss home.

Read some words that actually mean something.

Not this blog... but a book by Tim O'Brien. The Things They Carried is definitely the best book I read this year, maybe ever. I don't even know what to say about it. It's just beautiful. Some guy named Rick Bass from the Dallas Morning News says, "I've got to make you read this book." So ditto that.

To you

LET us twain walk aside from the rest;
Now we are together privately, do you discard ceremony,
Come! vouchsafe to me what has yet been vouchsafed to none—Tell me the whole story,
Tell me what you would not tell your brother, wife, husband, or physician.

-Walt Whitman

So perfect.

I need to find the person that realizes that we'd be perfect together. It's an absolute necessity. I know there's someone out there who is exactly what I'm dreaming of. Where are you, darling?

Literature is love.

Who are my best friends?

These people.

When they can't fall asleep at night.

Have you ever wondered how often other people think about you? Yeah, duh. We all do it. While we're walking down the street, through the grocery store or just sitting in the library, we wonder what people are thinking of us. But that's not really what I'm talking about here. The question that most comes to mind for me is if other people-not just randoms, but friends- think of me as much as I think about them. Certain people flash through my mind all day. Maybe every few minutes. Am I on their mind as often? Really, it may just be my self-deprecating personality, but I’m pretty positive that no one thinks about me as much as I think of them.

That's why I want to fall in love and have someone love me back. Then I know I'm on their mind like they're on mine.  

Post script: Dear you, stop showing up in every single one of my dreams. Thanks.

I'm okay waiting. But...

 

So I'm not waiting. And there's no convincing to be done. There is no person on my mind. Well, there is a person but right now he's only imaginary. He's somewhere but I just haven't met him yet. I'm sure he's wondering about me too. But there's something about it that's hard. It's the part about being patient. It's the part where I need to let go those that let me go. It's the part of not knowing who is worth my time, energy, and heart. And as for today, I'm lonely. Fuhreak.

Being creative.

But most importantly, be yourself. Let your thoughts run free.

The reason my room is always a mess.

For those of you that don't know me...

I have these crazy, detailed dreams and I remember they unusually well. Much of the time they set the course of my day. A great dream means a great morning which means a great day. This time the dream was awful. All of my friends went on a trip to my house in California. It wasn't actually my house but in the dream it was my giant house. So my parents were there and my sister too. One of my friends was taking a shower while I was making a yogurt sandwich. I accidentally spilled some yogurt on the door and in the process of scraping it off, I knocked on the door. The person on the other end yelled, "Seriously?" in a rather frustrated tone. I explained the situation and he was still upset. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that I'm scum. Yeah. Scum. Who says that anymore? Apparently my subconscious does. I chased him around till he agreed to let us talk alone. We were walking and talking and then all of a sudden I was just on the phone with him and he wasn't saying anything. I was just explained my side of the story. When it was his turn to speak, there was only silence on the other end. I looked at the phone and it wasn't in a call. I found him next to the spa with everyone else. Then it was time for dinner so we filed over to the table. He was really rude as he grabbed a plate for me and continued this awful attitude for the remainder of the dream.
Basically it was a terrible dream but it's not true, right? So I have no reason to start my day of bad. Plus, I have no school today. That's an automatic mood lifter.

You know what's amazing? I can actually remember so many times this summer that I did something for the first time.

Confusing sometimes.

Why can I share my every thought with complete strangers but to the ones that actually matter, my mouth won't move? It's like a little girl crush where I'm way too nervous to say anything. My heart races and I just can't talk. The filter suddenly turns up way too high and everything I think sounds stupid. Nothing works to start the conversation and it's a long ride on silence. Why?

One day, it'll happen.

Leaving.

I always get rather despondent when leaving places. And I'm not a huge fan of sentimental goodbyes. I'll just walk away and let my eyes leak without turning around.

But on a happier note, I love airplanes and flying. My airplane song is called At The Bottom of Everything and it's by Bright Eyes.

So there was this woman and she was on an airplane, and she was flying to meet her fiancé seaming high above the largest ocean on planet earth. She was seated next to this man she had tried to start conversations, but the only thing she had really heard him say was to order his Bloody Mary. She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn’t even pronounce the name of. And she was feeling very bored and despondent. And then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they started just falling thirty-thousand feet, and the pilots on the microphone and he’s saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh my god... I'm sorry” and apologizing. And she looks at the man and says “Where are we going?” and he looks at her and he says “We’re going to a party. It’s a birthday party. It’s your birthday party. Happy birthday darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.” And then he starts humming this little tune, it kind of goes like this: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn’t dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

It’ll go like this:

While my mother waters plants
My father loads his guns
He says death will give us back to God
Just like this setting sun is returned to this lonesome ocean

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we’ll get down there, way down to the very bottom of everything
And then we’ll see it, oh we’ll see it, we’ll see it, we’ll see it

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I’m happy just because
I found out I am really no one

One day soon.

The Hush Sound says it all.

Why do you sing to everybody but me? Why do I let it go on?
You've got such a music box song in my head all day long.
You fell for a girl with wild eyes, dressed in satin and lace.
She's just an empty diamond mine with moan across her face.

I can love you much better
If you can't see it you're blind
I can love you much better
And you know someday I'm going to make you mine.

You are the daydream in my eyes, there whenever I wake up
But the colors never crystallize and I never get enough
And while you kiss everybody but me, I just sit back and watch
But one day soon, I'm gonna grab you by the collar
and kiss you all I want!

 Sometimes I paint.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8cCPH1qnYI&feature=youtu.be

 And this is my 'during church' artwork.

 

I don't understand how those people on DIY network can redo a whole bathroom in three days. It took me that long just to paint one. Well, I suppose they have more than one person and they probably buy enough paint the first time.

New Week's Resolutions.

I want to live in this house. I LOVE it.

Bunny wabbits.

Look at the size of those waves. They're splashing the people on the pier. Sheesh.

You know what I really enjoy? Writing letters and never sending them. But the key is to start with the body of the letter and write to whomever you have in mind but don't ever open with their name. The letter may change audience halfway through. Then when you are finished write their name at the top. Or open with "dear you." That's what I do so if someone secretly reads it, they won't ever know who it's for. It's a nice way to tell someone how you feel without actually telling them. It gets rid of those little girl giggles when you see them. Try it, maybe?

I love dandelions.

 

I don't know why. Just something about them amazes me.

A great picture.

Lovely photograph by Jason Lucas

Photo adventures.

I always want to take a photo of exactly what I see.
Glasses, hair blowing in the wind, maybe even my eyelashes,
but this is as close as I've ever gotten.

Spiderweb.

Cool sand storm, huh?

What do you see in the clouds?

Love these TOMS.

A few well placed words are worth a thousand more.